She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize