if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
