So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
