she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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