Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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