We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize