I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
