I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
