Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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