i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
