Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
