All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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