And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
