If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
