worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
