Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
