Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
