I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize