Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
