i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
