watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
