Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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