Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
