I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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