We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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