Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
