Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
