its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
