We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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