Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
