Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
