Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
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He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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