I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
