Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
