No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize