i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
