do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
