oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The best revenge is premature balding
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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