Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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