and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
