How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
