I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
