i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
