Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
