My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
