I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
