as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
