Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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