how can u be prego again
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
