Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
