Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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