what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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