omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
