hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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