If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
