I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
