she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
