Already got asked if we're dating
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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