it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
