i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
