Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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