When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
