i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She just used a chaser for red wine.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
