dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
