I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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