what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
