two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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