How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
