wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
