Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
