What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
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You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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