No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
