I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
