you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
