Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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