Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
