Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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