you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
