Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
