Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
