Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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