All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
there was a trapeze. enough said
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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